Ulysse Pence

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Friends, Not Critics

September 28th, 2020

Communicating with precision has costs. First, when you try to draw a connection between ideas, it becomes more difficult because the details make each one more distinct. How much do you have to squint your eyes to see the similarities? Second, these details require the author to spend more time verifying and articulating the ideas (to avoid misinterpretation). And finally, the meaning can get lost in the details, making the whole experience less exciting and less persuasive.

On the other hand, discarding precision altogether leads to sweeping statements that have no basis. With no details, no roots planted into what you already know, you have no way of distinguishing an idea from its opposite [0].

So how much precision should you use? It depends on a few factors:

After all is said and done though, there will always be someone who demands more rigor or a bigger reach for significance in your message. Is there any way to communicate with less precision while still conveying the same meaning? Yes. You can choose your audience. Share with friends, not critics. When you ask a critic and a friend to read something you wrote...

When you have shared taste with someone, you can skip qualifying everything [1]. Peel pack all the emotive layers that can get in the way of the message and jump right into what you're trying to say [2].

For example, when describing life in your home country to your friend, you don't need to reference an authoritative survey to justify your conclusions. Your friend knows that your experience is valid, yet distinct from your fellow citizens'. When you're talking about retirement planning with your friend, you can skip declaring your privilege for even having retirement money. Your friend already knows you care about those less fortunate.

If being a good friend means you'll spend less time on etiquette and more time discovering new ideas, it follows that we should try to view more people as friends. Repeat games of Prisoner's Dilemma seem to favor algorithms that cooperate [3]. In the worst case, you will better understand the people that you disagree with and how to articulate your ideas to them. What's to lose?

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Footnotes